Living with BIPOLAR

  Hey Everyone,

    I know that it has been over 2 weeks since I have wrote in my blog, and I guess that I need to break my silence and tell you whats been going on.

 

    So where is what's been going on in my life just to catch you all back up:

      For the last 2 weeks I have been trying to get my life back and trying to work in bettering myself and make my life better.

       As of yesterday, I got diagnosed as BIPOLAR TYPE II…  I have ADD and ADHD, and I have OCD.

     I am still taking Prozac 20 MG and now I am on not 1 but 2 blood pressure medications. lisinopril and  amlodipine also known as “ NORVASC”. And as of yesterday, after my meeting with the psychologist, I am now taking Seroquel XR 50 MG to stabilize my mood, and last’s 24 hours,and I only take that at night before I go to bed. I have to say this medicine is PRETTY PRICY…. This Seroquel XR 50 MB is 400.00 a pop. But the psychologist gave me some reading material to try to help get my costs down on my medication since I am un insured.

    

      At first, I really thought “ OH SHIT, MY LIFE IS OVER… THIS IS A DEATH SENTANCE for me”. I mean I guess I have been denying that I have been having problems with my mental status for the last 4 to 5 years now. And I guess when the Philologist told me that I was BIPOLAR, I mean it was like a slap in my face.

I have had to make alot of changes in my life And I will have to change my ways ALOT coming up to cope with having Bipolar Disorder.

       I have to stop drinking Caffeine after 3 pm, I have to switch to Decaf stuff. I have to be off the computer by 8 pm and I have to start walking more and keep loosing weight like I have been. I am doing good on that by the way since I kind of took a hiatus from blogging. I have lost 4 pounds and my main doctor wants me to get down to 190 Pounds. HA HA I am going to try, but its going to be hard as hell. and also I have to take an hour to myself at whenever I want called “ QUIET TIME” where no one can call me no one can bug me I just get to sit in my room and veg out.

       Usually, during my “ Quiet Time” I read a book, which I am currently reading:

( This is the front cover to the book )

 

        Its about a crime detective, who grew up in Hartford, Connecticut and his mom was an abusive Alcoholic. I wont give to much away but its good for a suspense book, I found it at Goodwill the other day when me and mom were out and about after my Physiology doctors appointment.

       Really, I am NOT suppose  to be online during “ Quiet Time” But, I read a good 4 pages of my book and I have WRR CLASSICAL 101.1 from Dallas on and I am kind of Vegging out not thinking about anything really. I am just taking this me time and the doctor wants me to do this everyday at my choice of 30 min or 1 hour.  Depending how stressed out I am. This “ QUIET TIME”  is to help me relax and be able to make it though the evening so I am no so wound up and stressed out before bed.

      I have to go back to see her in 2 weeks and I am having A TON of bloodwork done to make sure I am not Diabetic like my mother, and that my Thyroid is ok and that my Kidney function and Liver are all working right since “ L “ has kidney failure and she said * IT COULD * be genetic, I am being checked to see if I am VITAMIN DEFECIENT also. So I am getting about $600 USD worth of that done. Ouch! yeah I know everything comes at such a price with being Un Insured.

      Right now, I am feeling very good…

      I hope that I will be able to write more about my NEW ROAD PATH that I am having to take with living with BIPOLAR. This blog will slowly change and I will take more and more about what I go though in my day to day life. Its like I am going to put you in my shoes and you will see things though my eyes.

       This is something that will NEVER leave me I will have it for the rest of my life and I will have to take medication for the rest of my life for it.

      I just want to let everyone know that, Please bare with me and please know that, I am sorry if I got angry with you, upset, changed my email 1000 times or yelled, cussed, emailed and got mad at you. That was all when I was undiagnosed.  I now have a new lease on life. Just bare with me for the next 8 weeks while this new medication molds me into the person that I am SUPPOSE to be.

       Well, I guess thats all that has been going on with me…. My quiet

time is up so, time to turn my lights back on and turn off my bedside lamp and let mom back on since I only have about 58 Min left on the computer before I have to sign off for the night!

 

Good Night,

Christopher

Back to the Hospital

Hey Everyone,

      If you are wondering why I am posting a blog entry at 4:19 AM CDT it’s because I am getting ready to go with my folks to the city and put “L” back in the hospital. No, its not anything bad, per se, he's getting a Pacemaker, Difibulator, and something to keep his blood going installed.

      So, I guess this is going to be a all day event because he will have to stay over night, I think me and mother will come back home and then he’ll get out VERY EARLY Tuesday morning and be on 2nd shift ( 12 to 4 pm ) at Dialysis. for Tuesday only then go back to normal shift at Dialysis on Thursday 7 am to 11:35 AM.

      So keep us in your thoughts today.

Until my next entry!

--- Christopher

Happy Halloween Ya’ll!

You DONT have to BELIEVE in EVERYTHING.

( This is my 2nd entry for 10/25/2009 So scroll down below this one for the 1st one )

      You know, I have been going though alot the last few weeks and when I got on my Prozac I started getting schooled by MOMMIE DEAREST, “ L “,and  some of my friends that I DO NOT have to believe everything that I hear, read, say, or what someone else believes in.

       I thought for all my life, when people write, read, say, something “ ITS THE GOSPEL” and you just HAVE TO believe it. But, I have been learning from friends and my parents that YES, IT IS OK to not believe in everything, and that IT IS OK to have difference of opinions on everything and you don't have to be quiet about what you feel or believe.

       We are ALL Different so everyone isn't going to be right  and CAN’T be right about everything, that we are all HUMAN so we all make errors and that no one has a crystal ball and can see the future. NOBODY.

         I DON’T CARE if you have a piece of paper saying THIS IS CONCLUSIVE and you’ve ran test’s to prove it, and that you know the outcome of something because, Things change so much that nothing stays the same. Things change all the time.

       So, if I was to say that I don't believe in Religion or Science ( period). Well That is my belief and my opinion. And I have come to the conclusion that I DO NOT believe in either of those subjects. And that I have EVERY RIGHT to do so, that is what makes us different.

       I feel life has gotten a bit easier for me now that I am learning that I DONT have to believe everything I read, hear, or spoken to me.

         I will leave you with something that “L” has said:

“ OPINIONS ARE LIKE A**HOLES, EVERYONE HAS ONE.”

       So the moral is, DON’T FORCE someone to believe something that maybe you are “ PASSIONATE” about and Believe in that Cause, because, were all different!

Think about what you write before you post it, write it, or speak it.

AND TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

( Something Else Mommie Dearest and “ L” are teaching me ^ )

Untill my Next Entry!

-- Christopher

HI THERE!

   Hey Everyone,

     I know I know its been awhile. I haven’t forgotten about you all in the Cyber world. But, I have been plain out busy.

       I have been getting up on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday morning’s at 5 am and heading out the door with MOMMIE DEAREST and “ L” to his Dialyses treatments. So for 4 hours on those days we sit up there and talk with everyone and watch tv and break out snacks, that I or MOMMIE DEAREST pack in our bag and I feel very productive getting up that early and meeting new people.

I really am enjoying getting out now.

       Then after that we come home clean house a bit, take a nap and get up, go walking ( me and MOMMIE DEAREST are exercising now  that its cooler ) and then come back home, and take a bath at 4 PM and then by that time dinner is done and then by that time MOMMIE DEAREST wants on the computer so she gets on for HOURS at a time and so I haven’t been able to stay on long, because she likes to play FARMTOWN, FARMVILLE, CAFE WORLD, and all that other stuff. So me and her have been doing that.

        Also, I have been trying to spend more time being productive and look for a job and try to use the Internet for job hunting and not worrying about some of the BS and drama that goes on the internet that gets me stirred up and upset.

     So basically, I have curved my Internet Habits and I do feel better. I have a feeling I will have to have my Prozac and stuff adjusted but that ok , just as long as I don't get pulled off the meds. 

        IT IS GREAT to feel alive again and not sad and depressed anymore and I am learning how to spend my time doing OTHER THINGS and being Productive in the world!

 

      ITS GREAT BEING NORMAL!

WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR WORLD?

-- Christopher

I have seriously flown over the COO COO’S nest

    Hey everyone,

      You know, every since I got on my BP meds and Prozac, things I once loved, I hate and despise now. I seriously have flown over the COO COO’S nest, I think.

     Like, for instance: I use to be IN LOVE with Computers and The Internet and talking to friends and people from all different walks of life. Now, I DESPISE computers and dont want nothing to do with them and if I never had to touch one again or even look at one I would be a happy man.

     I seriously think if I never touched a computer or even had to talk about one again, My Blood Pressure would go down and I would live a normal life. I really use to think that people who didn’t have computers, never have touched one, didn't know what the internet was, were “ SIMPLETONS”. But, that thought has changed for me, maybe I could live my life that way and have “ THE SIMPLE LIFE” and be less stressed, my BP would go down and I could spend my life doing the things and causes and being with the ones I love and being productive in life. I Really think I could pull it off.

       The internet isn't the same anymore, its full of People  that are are MEAN, RUDE, MANIPULTIVE, HURTFUL and UGLY towards others, and don't care if they’re hurting others,  I am just sick in tired of being hurt by people on the internet and having doors slammed in my face and forgiving people over and over for bullshit they pull on me, to just in the end have them get mad at me again months later for whatever BS reason they have.

I just cant live life this way.

        Its not the Internet I remember when I first dialed into AOL back in 2002. Its like a landfill its so piled up with Garbage and Junk I just don't feel like Deciphering though it all.

       Is this the end of “CM “ as I am known by some and Christopher, and “ Chris “ ( Which, BTW, I hate being called Chris but no one wants to hear me and what I want to go by which is Christopher) ?

      The answer is, I don't know yet…

       I am really trying to limit my time online and only get online and check email and things “WHEN I JUST HAVE TO”. I am seriously thinking about telling my mother to call Suddenlink and DROP the Cable Internet, cause its 33.00 a month and we could seriously save that 33.00 right now since times are hard and mother has taken time off from her “ MEGA MART” that she works at. I know Dialup is slow but, with me barely using it… and mother uses it most of the time And I just get on it when she's not in here…

Why not save some money?

     So , Have I flown over the COO COO’S nest and lost my mind?

-- Christopher

BP Meds and Prozac

    Well, I guess I have had a few days off and had time to get use to all the changes I have to make in my life to better it.

     Well, I went to the doctor on Tuesday and I found out that I am a bit overweight for my height ( 6 foot 1 ) and I have High Blood Pressure and a bout of depression. She said that for my height and weight, that I should be about 190 pounds. I told the doctor that she is out of her mind haha and that I would be a skinny twig if I went down to that weight.

      So, I am now, a statistic unfortunately :( And I have that I have to live with that thought that I am now one of the millions of American’s that have to have a depression med and is overweight and has depression.

     WTF? I mean I thought I was doing very well.

     I felt skinnier and I thought I was slimming down and looking great and then the doctor slams this on me.. UGH!

      So, on top of taking the Prozac and Lisinopril for my BP I guess I am slowly feeling better and I don't feel depressed or sad anymore.

I fell normal again!

      I guess that's all that's going on in my world.

     I guess I have to take it one day at a time and I will get there eventually, and everything WILL BE OK :)

--- Christopher